Monthly Archives: August 2013

At Least I Know I’ll Never Sleep At Night

“at least I know I’ll never
sleep at night,
I’ll always lie awake
until the mo(u)rning light.
this is something that I’ll never control.
my nerves will be the death of me,

I know.”

City and Colour


I’m so perturbed today..

Just got an email about a 103 dollar ATM withdraw from my bank account and I haven’t been to the bank.

Which bank was it withdrawn from?  A citizen’s bank- I’m wells fargo..

Where is this bank?  Down the street from my parents’ house. Yes, my mother withdrew money from my account.

Why you may ask?  Well, it’s quite simple:  she decided she wanted the money she gave to me back..

She wanted it BACK.

I’m sorry, but excuse me?  Once you give a person something, it’s theirs.  The general ‘no-takesies-backsies’ rule applies.  Oh, I’m sorry- are you in a financial rough spot?  Where exactly does that put me, a 20 hour a week (if I’m lucky), 7.50 an hour college student, who pays their own bills?  I suppose she really must have been in great need if she would do such a thing as revoke a gift to her child!  I mean, what mother could do that, being fully aware of her offspring’s financial status?  My mother.

She’s the selfish type, I assure you.  Also I’m the middle child if that doesn’t just paint the prettiest picture you ever did see, I don’t know how to go on with this rant..

Maybe it was that shiny, new computer she just bought for my ungrateful sister.  My no-job-having, no-chore-doing, disrespectful, bitch of a sister.  Oh, she definitely earned that, while I have to pay for everything for myself, however pragmatic, or actually even earn it.  I’m completely okay with earning things- it would be douchey not to be okay with that.

Time to rant about something less legitimate of an issue.

My bedroom walls!

I haven’t made any progress since my post yesterday, though I did put some effort forth.  I have 3 walls to address.  1.  above my bed (which I have started), 2. above my desk (biggest blank space in existence), and 3. above my dinky dresser (there’s also a door on that wall which doesn’t open so it’s awkward and somewhat difficult to imagine anything for over it).

At the moment, I’m concentrating on the largest wall.. I have post-it’s of quotes I admire just over my desk and I think I might do a branch off that into some quote/ post-it frenzie picture thing..

I truly have no idea what I’m doing.

At any rate, all this blankness is keeping me up at night.  It genuinely is.  I prefer clutter.  This expanse of whiteness freaks me out and messes with my spatial awareness, or rather, how I feel about the space that I notice around me.  It’s a formidable foe indeed..


Tables, They Turn Sometimes

“Alone we stay and together we fall apart.
I think I’ll be alright.
I’m working so I don’t have to try so hard;
tables, they turn sometimes”

the Strokes

I haven’t posted anything quite a while.. I have been busy, but not to the extent of no down time;  I’ve had plenty of that.  I’ve been sitting around and twiddling my thumbs, thinking of how to get along.  I’ve also been trying to fill out my blank, barren, horrible walls.  They’re such a farce and disappointment;  I can’t stand blank walls.  I prefer clutter, something going on.  Oddly enough, I find clutter comforting and emptiness suffocating.

So I got a huge roll of drawing paper and cut out an impossible figure and did my stupid little design thing that i do on it and put it up on my wall..  It seemed ever emptier.  I suppose now that there’s finally something there magnifies just how much room it has to be lonely.  So, I started straightaway on things to post around it.  i cut out stylized shapes that parallel the design-thing that I have a tendency toward when drawing and drew willy-nilly surrealism in it.  It’s certainly developing into an interesting wall, but it’s still just one of my vacuous walls.  Also, it’s no where near satisfactorily cluttered.  I really don’t know how to approach adding on to it, but it needs to be done if I want to be able to sleep contentedly at night.

IMG_0062 IMG_0041 IMG_0050Needless to say, I had no idea what I was going for or trying to accomplish in the first place..

This wall has a long way to go yet, that’s not to mention the other 2, which are obscenely bare.  I just worry if I don’t get them done before classes start, they’ll forever be barren and that’s no productive environment for me.

Well, I best get back on that.. I’m thinking of incorporating a nature element to it as with roots and other various plants.. Maybe branch off of the wishie in the surreal collage I already have up and put a design into the floaty seeds (I have no idea what else to call them).

soo many options…