So I Can Be Mean: A (Dark) Life Analysis

“I’ll make it you see
I’m never so pleased
pretend to be nice

so I can be mean.”

-the Strokes

Yes! more of the Strokes!

This song (Hard to Explain) is far more upbeat than Heart in a Cage but I, of course, have to make a point of picking out the darker lines for a spark topic of writing.  “I am never so pleased as when I pretend to be nice so I can be mean.”  This is a nice bitter and spiteful verse on how people manipulate others, and I am going to go so far as to assume everyone does this, whether they would ever admit it or not.  You want to see everyone beneath your own status, whether they are well above yours or an equal.  Everyone is harshly selfish.  It’s an instinct that would only be denied to impress and manipulate others, who would, otherwise, look down on you for your arrogance.  Everyone is arrogant and self assured in some way. There are only 2 defining factors: 1. How audacious you are about it, and 2. How psychologically you feel superior to others (either intellectually or physically).  There is also, of course, those in denial.  Those are the most insufferable of all.  The people who try to play it off as though they’re humble and are the ones to really grind my gears.

To me, it is an understanding I have that everyone is an egotist and cares truly for themselves alone.  I will be honest and say that I feel that I am intellectually superior to a large number of people- nearly all of my peers, for instance.  My high school was (and still is) full of trashy people, mock individualists (don’t get me started on this label), and other unpleasant categories I just don’t feel like listing.  I have a relatively over-active mind, which gives me a general feeling of jadedness about most things.  I’m not all that talkative because I have already gone over so much in my head that I’m done talking about a subject before I have even begun.  I over-think everything as well (everything is more likely an exaggeration, but is is a high majority).  I have anxiety issues, sleeping trouble (at one point I was insomniatic), depression (nothing horribly serious, but I very probably should be medicated for it), and very mild OCD (I’m really just overly meticulous about a lot of really acute and random instances).  My IQ is somewhere around 125, which puts me at ‘advanced intelligence,’ though I assume IQ tests go easily for people of right hemisphere dominance because of their ‘big picture’ way of problem solving (whereas, a left hemisphere dominant person- a linear mindset- can only approach single aspects at a time, process it fully then move on to the next).  The more visual of thought (right hemisphere) tend to look at the whole picture and spot a kink in the pattern, analyzing several aspects at a time (major tangent, I apologize).  All I was trying to get at is that all of these characteristics about my psyche contribute to why I have such arrogance.  I feel that I have been through and known more than many people (of my age group).  That’s not to say m y life was all that trying in reality, but it have been pretty psychologically straining.

To circle back onto topic! Because everyone finds themselves superior, they are constantly trying to manipulate one another, to win their affection and favor.  Being generally nice to people earns you some brownie points to treat them more harshly, at least, from time to time simply because you feel you deserve better.  You want people around you who treat you as well as you want them to but not necessarily as you treat them.  No one is content with equality, they must be superior.  I’ll say it again: it is an instinct that no one can escape.  Everyone wants to be better than the best, but hates having to be around those who are just that.  It’s infuriating to be around those who are below your own intellect, but probably more so if they are above.  I know that all but one of my friends are intellectually beneath me (capacity and maturity-wise).  The one person who is at/above my own thinking pisses me off to be around, just because it’s apparent that everything we both say is an attempt to one-up the other.  I do rather enjoy be challenged though.  With my lower friends (not to say that they are unintelligent), I feel no need to prove myself and it is a more relaxed environment and mindset.  Though I am much more quickly frustrated and unwilling to listen to what they have to say because I do respect their input less.

The worst is when these friends try to give me advice unasked-for. It’s one thing when people are genuinely trying to help, but too few people do that.  You can always tell by their wording that they feel superior and that they have ‘been around the block’ a few more times than you yourself has been- that they are more versed in whatever information they are regurgitating- that they feel obligated to teach you how the world works because you are just too innocent and naive.  I have friends do this to me who are younger and incredibly ditzy and overly dramatic.  I don’t know how accurately I come off compared to how I think/feel, but I’m a bit hard-nosed when it comes to information; I am a lady of science and I need to know whether something is an actual fact or just here-say.  I study things that are not assigned to me just for the sake of knowing. I have a very logical and cause-effect line of thought.  I am very common sense oriented.  Common sense is all that advice (at least, the advice my chump friends issue me) is.  I find advice exceedingly condescending.  Unless I ask for it, which I seldom do because of the whole ‘0ver-active mind’ thing:


For this frame of mind, I don’t give advice unless asked. It’s not my place to assume what you know (though everyone does and assumes it’s less than themselves) so it’s not your place to (openly) assume I’m helpless in a situation or instance.

Don’t reach out to those who are not flailing; they will only be insulted.

I feel like I came off like a total jerk in this one, but I’m just saying how I feel about the matter- I am not in any way trying to put anyone down, it’s just the way I see things.. however dark


so.. how's it going?

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