Even a Heart Beats in It’s Cage


“All our friends, they’re laughing at us
All of those you loved you mistrust …
I don’t want what you want, I don’t feel what you feel.
See, I’m stuck in a city, but I belong in a field.”

-the Strokes

I’m feeling cooped up!

Let me paint you a picture: I am 18 years old, though I only have a driving permit.  Even if I had a license, I would have no vehicle as my parents are often at work.  Even when they are home, they decide carting me around is too much of a hassle for their busy, busy selves.  Even though their definition of busy is sitting on the couch watching One Live to Live..

Okay, only my mother does that one, but my father helps me out with rides more seldom than she and she nearly never does! So, there you go.

Quite a few of my high school ‘friends’ drive, but they don’t live near me, therefore, finding me to be more trouble than I’m worth to hang out with..  They get annoyed at me even though they know my parents’ behavior relatively well and know it is genuinely not me trying to be a mooching jerk, but a poor, lonely lady.  I italicized these friends because in person they’re all for hanging out and wanting to stay in touch after we graduated, but I know we won’t unless I’m the one to set everything up- and I mean everything.  I have 2 friends who are not this way, but both have lives to deal with that keep them too busy for ‘hanging out’ (yes, only 2).    Circling back: to have plans I have to figure out what we’re doing and where and what time and on and on and on.. If i don’t fill in any of these many blanks, no one pulls to assist.  So I just end up chilling at home, and I certainly don’t mind solitude, but I have got to socialize sometime!

I move in a week and I don’t intend to try to hold connection with anyone from high school (except perhaps some choice art teachers).  If they want to keep in touch and they make an effort, I will put effort into them, but I refuse to hold up relationships any longer.  I don’t care what kind of a relationship it is, both sides need to pull their own weight; it’s give and take.  I’d, quite honestly, rather be a bit lonely for a while until school starts up than have to be tired and frustrated by the inconsiderate schlubs that are my friends.  I may not have anything better to do, but I also have not way of getting there!… XD

Also: I realize the title for this is more intense than the actual piece, but I’m just quoting Heart in a Cage by the Strokes; they’re amazing and that song has such a bitter tone, it fits in perfectly with me.

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